Sometimes my room mate Alli tucks me into my bed, making sure all the edges are in...so I'm all curled up like a little caterpillar. We're practically married, her and I.
In other news....I turn 21 on Saturday. Oh boy! Well, I'm not so much excited about the whole alcohol thing as just being able to get away from Farmington for a weekend. I get to spend it with my older sister Fran too....what a treat!
I looked at Spring course offerings at HSU tonight....too many decisions. Freaks me out even more.

wicked ways

Are you the type of person that puts the new roll of toilet paper on TOP of the old finished one? Are you the type of person that takes someone's clothing out of the dryer so you can dry yours, and subsequently leave the lint basket FULL for the next person to find? Do you leave the toilet seat up in an all girls apartment? Do you grab the last of the tater tots in the hot line in the caf when you have 1 more person behind you? You're probably the same person that drives to class when you live a quarter mile away from campus. Enjoy the bubble, pal.

scared?

I have been feeling really odd lately. Weepy sometimes, but I cant actually cry. Im really not sure why. I kind of feel like something important is missing, but I dont know what it is. Maybe Im just scared about going to California, leaving everything behind, starting new things. I have been realizing lately how little time I have left to resolve things here. Maybe the uncertainty of the next year is whats killing me. Either way, the attempts that Ive been making to try to live more in the moment have been pretty feeble. What should I be focusing on? Will I have everything ready in time? Will I be happy when I get out there? Ive always had problems not overthinking things, or staying away from worrying about things. I just feel a bit at a loss and dont quite know what would be best for me right now. I guess it will just come to me if I remain open.

AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

bloody rocks

I just don't understand what would compel someone to want a diamond....for ANY occasion. Honestly, with the money that DeBeers makes off one of their crummy one karats they could probably feed 1000 of their African workers (slaves?) for a day. I think that along with every diamond engagement ring there should come one African child. That's a package deal that would make you think twice.
P.S: I cannot express to you how depressing it is to learn about the diamond industry at 8 in the morning.
If I was going to marry someone, I could only pray they would know me well enough to NOT get me a diamond. They wouldn't even have to get me a ring if they didn't want to. If they had any sense, they would do as the penguins do and go searching for the best pebble they could find. It could be on a beach or sitting by the side of a road. They'd know it was the best one for me when they found it. THAT would make me want to mate with someone for life.

how its gotta be

I honestly didn't think that I would be so upset. A whole year ending didn't do it like this, and those that came before barely scratched the surface. I got myself wrapped up in the best possible situation at the worst possible time, and now I'll have to spend the rest of the year trying to forget. That's impossible of course, but now I have a brand new standard. It makes me wonder if anyone else will really measure up. We'll see where the wind takes me this year, or maybe for the next few years. That's another thing that really bothers me now...the concept of when. When will the right time appear, fall into my lap, peep around the corner? Will I be young or old? Will it happen on purpose or purely by chance? I know I can't force it, as much as I want to. So that's that, I am left to do the thing I don't think most people my age are designed to do. Wait.

feeble attempts

Define easy. Am I easy enough to get to know? Get to "know?" Sometimes I feel too flimsy, unresolved. I'm just not determined enough to not know you. To not "know" you. There are still walls up, but maybe I should reconstruct a few more if I plan to make it out unscathed. Haha...like that's ever going to happen.

What kind of day is it?

It's funny how you can tell what kind of day it will be...not by looking at the weather report, calendar, or your class schedule. Take today. It started sunny, but I knew it wouldn't remain that way. Alli was scratching her tummy this morning, despite a french toast party...that means silly weather and the urge to crawl under the covers was sure to occur. Also...a million people updated on facebook. They knew today was the day to pooz around. It was one of those days where the minutes went by really slowly...especially in comparative politics where I had to pee really badly and our professor decided no one was allowed to get up and leave the room during lecture. :( It was a resource depot day...finding scraps of junk to make random art. Today was also a Ben and Jerry's, fatlard, let's add 5 more pounds on your ass day. Not necessarily a bad thing, seeing as I have no bum to speak of. Overall, a good day, measured by the nonconventional. I ate it with a spoon.

I told them to go away

They came and sat on my shoulder again today after I said goodbye. You know, the kind that whisper relentlessly, negatively. Then I remembered how good I was feeling, how goodbye wasn't goodbye, and how lovely green is with that added sparkle and a smile to match.